On many occasions, parents face the nerves of parenting and the uncertainty of doing it right or wrong … when they limit the behavior of children, they are also limiting their feelings without realizing it. They do not allow their emotions to surface and repress them in search only of obedience and fleeting “peace” in the home. Parents need to realize that behavior is one thing and feel another.
Limits and tantrums
Tantrums are your kids’ way of expressing to you that they don’t agree with what you tell them or the rule you are making them obey. When this happens, you have to allow them to express their feelings. It’s natural to feel angry and disappointed when you set a limit for your child.
Parents’ job is to accept those feelings of their children and love them equally above all else. The more you do this, the less stressful their feelings will be, and the fewer tantrums there will be in the future. If you cannot tolerate his anger, sadness, or reaction to the limit and do not use empathy, the child will learn that he is part of what is unacceptable and will feel shame, resentment, and loneliness.
As with any unacknowledged emotion, anger and sadness do not fade; they go underground, where the seeds of depression are magnified and sown.
Limits with empathy
Even if your children don’t like the limit you are setting, it is essential to empathize with them. If the parents can establish a calm and emotionally stable environment, while at the same time reinforcing the limit, the child will have the freedom to lash out at the limit, cry and regret it… But in the end, he will accept it and move on.
Moving forward means finding an acceptable path without having to break boundaries. It is the firm limits accompanied by the empathy that allows our children to experience their full reactions to the limits and accept both their feelings and the rules.
The child learns that the world is full of obstacles and cannot always be what he wants. You will find another way to feel better when something does not go as expected, and that is what life is about. The limits must be with empathy and banish authoritarian limits forever, making them feel like a bad person.
Your child will learn that he cannot always get away with it, but he has something better: someone who loves him unconditionally and accepts him for who he is. This is positive regard that becomes the core of unshakable positive self-esteem and stable inner happiness.
You also learn that you can tolerate your anger and feel better afterward. In this, we see the beginning of resilience, as it considers other forms of action. An example would be this type of thinking in children: “I can’t have my birthday party at the circus because we can’t afford it. Yesterday I cried a lot about this, but my parents understand how I feel. Maybe they would help me design a soccer party in the park and let my friends stay the night. “
How many limits are suitable?
Spending your life setting limits for children will only create frustration and feelings of resentment. Before setting limits, you must have a strong emotional bond so that the child accepts it and accepts your empathy towards him. If you sabotage his happiness by creating arbitrary or unfair frustrations or limits, he will not accept your attempts to empathize.
After all, you have the power to grant her wish, and you refuse to do so over and over again. Second, children have many frustrating situations in their lives daily without you believing them. Remember that your child should feel like part of her team and not like a part of the opposing team.